Blizz is back, and he has recently returned from his October tradition of attending Universal Orlando’s Halloween Horror Nights! He sent me his review of the event to post here, just in time for All Hallows’ Eve. Enjoy!
by Blizz
Originally written: October 21, 2014
Well, I’ve now made it to Halloween Horror Nights for my tenth
consecutive year, in spite of the fact that terrible airfares forced me
to travel with Spirit Airlines, the only airline I know of that probably
considers cabin pressurization worthy of an up charge. Regardless, HHN
is back for its 24th year, and it brings a good mix of properties and
original material with it.
So how did it all turn it out? Let’s delve right in.
GENERAL THOUGHTS
I
won’t spend too much time here, because frankly 95% of people reading
this won’t care too much, but I feel like a few things need to be
mentioned.
The event has reached a tipping point where it has gone
from “busy” into “Gameday at the Swamp”. Worse, this is like a
horrifying, Twilight Zone version of Gameday, where no one can
afford to be properly intoxicated! Over the last few years, HHN has
begun to get too popular for its own good, to the point where the queue
for every house is 75+ minutes from 8 PM onward.
Crowding’s
effects are felt most prominently in the streets, however. The back of
the park is crowded, but the streets from the entrance back to The
Mummy in New York are worse than fricking I-4. Everyone’s cramped
together – which is annoying by itself – but it makes it nearly
impossible for any atmosphere to be established. Set pieces and theming
are routinely placed off to the side, so as to provide as little
impedance to foot traffic as possible. Of course, this leaves the
actors without much to hide behind besides the other guests, leading to
reduced street scares.
While you can’t exactly fault corporate for boosting
the popularity of their product, but you can blame them if the quality
of the product continues to drop as a result, and nothing is done to fix
it. If the number one thing that guests start taking away is that they
waited in line all night and got to do only half of what they desired,
popularity will drop.
HHN has to go to two parks,
and soon. This has only been attempted once before, but now with
increased revenue and experience, Universal is in much better position
to pull it off properly. While the vast majority of the good house
locations would likely still be located in Universal, another two houses
could easily be added. The extra rides, as well, would thin lines out
further. There would be extra dead space, but the scarezones that are
present would be able to thrive with the reduced crowd-flow.
As
a final unrelated note, I’d just like to point out how lazy it seems to
me that Universal couldn’t even think up a tagline for this year. I
know we’ve kind of reached a point where a theme, icon, or any kind of
interconnectivity of the haunts is forgotten, but how hard would it be
to think up something – anything – to tack on to “HHN 24” to
remember it by? I think it’s the first year they’ve ever done this,
though I’m sure I’m the only one who’s concerned about it.
Anyway…
SCAREZONES
Thank God, scarezones are back. No one – no one – can look me in the eye and tell me that they liked hearing the theme music for The Walking Dead
playing on loop for 8 hours last year, as they ventured through an
endless montage of photo-ops. Though none are spectacular, this return
to what works is a big plus for this year, and it gives us the best
street experience since 2011.
MASKerade: Unstitched
This zone takes guests through a creepy, everlasting masquerade ball,
where the dancers – still stuck in a surreal dance – have long-since
begun to rot away. It yields some of my favorite costumes of the entire
event – most of the dancers have either crudely stitched their skin
back into place, or they’ve made their ball room masks out of the more
youthful faces of unfortunate interlopers. The set pieces could use
some work – I like massive candles with the blank human expressions
melted into the wax, but is that really it for this zone? Perhaps
Universal doesn’t want to drop in too many obstacles in this high
traffic street (which is a direct funnel to all four soundstage
haunts). If that’s the case, however, then I’d rather they just move
zones like this to nearby streets where they can be fully realized, even
if it forces guests to travel a little out of their way to see them.
In spite of their disadvantages, the actors do bring just enough energy
to keep this one interesting.
Atmosfear: C+ Characters: A Design: C Intensity: B-
Face Off: In the Flesh *Zone of the Year*
This is based off the SyFy reality TV show, not the movie where
Nicholas Cage and John Travolta wear each others faces for two hours
(unfortunately…). The TV show is basically a horror make-up artist
competition, and the zone showcases a lot of the better creations. I
was frankly worried this would end up being a photo-op zone, but luckily
I’d liken this more to 7 from 2011. The most impressive
creations stand atop pedestals, generating a lot of interest and
pictures. Their minions, however, weave in and out of the crowd,
attacking anyone who distracted by the main attractions on the
pedestals. Much to my own bewilderment, it’s the most all-around solid
zone this year, and gets the nod for Zone of the Year.
Atmosfear: B Characters: A Design: B Intensity: B
The Purge: Anarchy
This property is a great fit for the New York area. Most of the
movie takes place in a metropolis in complete uproar during “The Purge,”
so by tossing this zone where they did, Universal already had half
their work completed. I love that this zone seems to take on a life of
its own – there always seems to be something going on, whether it be
chainsaw gang, the moving vans that drop hordes off in one area or
another, or just the violence going on on top of the bus set piece.
It’s also massive, expanding across the entirety of the New York area.
Crowds can suffocate this area at times, which often makes it hard to
see a lot of the actors in motion. There’s an actor in a wheelchair in
this zone that combats this issue by simply bulling through crowds,
which is easily my favorite thing to watch here.
Atmosfear: B+ Characters: C+ Design: C Intensity: B
Bayou of Blood
If you’re looking for the zone with the best atmosphere this year,
this is it. This is to be expected – whatever zone is located in the
Central Park area usually takes the cake in this category. This area
has long been known for the awesome jack-o-lanterns hanging from the
trees; this year the trees are lit with candles, and the street flooded
with fog and characters that look like they’re right out of American Horror Story.
The Voodoo cabin near Mel’s Drive In is beautiful to look at, but a
little wasted now that human sacrifices are no longer performed there.
Unfortunately, the actors here seem to have a lot more bark than bite;
of all the zones, this is the one where intensity seems to be lacking
most egregiously.
Atmosfear: A Characters: B Design: C+ Intensity: C-
HOUSES
From Dusk ‘Till Dawn
From Dusk ‘till Dawn was the loose inspiration for my first ever HHN house, Demon Cantina,
so needless to say I was pretty interested in this one. The house is
based on the TV show, but that frankly doesn’t matter, because the show
follows the plot of the movie very closely. The house takes you through
the “Twister” – a biker bar in Mexico where the female entertainment is
a clandestine horde of vampires. Guests will enter past a group of
private dances gone horribly gory; from there, the journey is into the
Mexican temple where this vampire cult is based, and then finally back
into the bar to exit past the designated Selma Hayek look-alike. If you
haven’t put this together yet, the distraction tactics used here are
clearly geared towards one gender. Even if this “scenery” isn’t to your
liking, the cast seems to have a lot of fun with their roles, and in
both of my runs through I’ve come away with a jump or two. The sets are
adequate, but not anything to write home about. Come on Universal – you
can’t look me in the eye and tell me you thought hanging Toys-R-Us
plastic snakes from the ceiling would really up the production value
here. It’s by no definition a must-hit, but I still find it to be one
of the more consistently fun houses this year.
Story: C+ Atmosfear: C+ Set Design: B Intensity: B
The Walking Dead: End of the Line
Walking Dead is back. Again. And though I’ve maintained that
both of the previous installments got a lot more flak than they really
deserved, I have to admit even I’m pretty annoyed at this point with
Universal’s insistence that this property be shoved down our throat.
This newest installment follows Season 4, and takes us from the prison
in the middle of an outbreak all the way to Terminus, with every
half-way notable episode you can think of in between. TWD: End of the Line
brings some appealing aspects to the table – it boasts an entire
soundstage to work with, making it the largest house ever made at HHN,
roughly double the size of some of the other haunts. The cast, as well,
seems quite active; though ironically, they are once again forced to
break character to do so. There’s nothing I can point out about this
house that is really half-bad, aside from that moment where crummy
robotic zombies slowly roll forward on rails. The biggest problem here
is that TWD 3 really does nothing to differentiate itself from
its predecessors. None of the scenes are especially memorable, and a
few (like the convenience store) could be cut. Here’s the bottom line:
if you missed the last two years of TWD houses, make time for this one; but if you’ve seen this before, you can probably spare yourself the longest line in the park.
Story: D+ Atmosfear: C+ Set Design: C+ Intensity: C+
AVP: Alien vs. Predator *Honorable Mention*
Universal almost wrecked two fantastic properties by bringing them together in a house named for a crossover fuck-up of Freddy vs. Jason proportions. Instead, Universal basically came out and said “We’re sorry, we’d sooner make Twilight: The Maze
than recreate Sanaa Lathan and a Predator riding a freight cart to the
Antarctic surface together.” So they made up their own
Xenomorph-experimentation facility that allowed them to use notable
moments from both franchises that people actually enjoy. A+ on that
one, Universal. This house is just a ton of fun for me – where else can
you scream classic Bill Paxton lines in context? You’ve got to love
the military squad’s gunfire, which gives the house a great, chaotic
vibe that makes it hard to focus on the more threatening actors. The
house does lose some points from having very few recognizable scenes –
while solid sets, there’s nothing here that really screams “Alien” or
“Predator” outside of the creatures themselves. Still, the layout
allows very little personal space, including a finale that forces guests
to crouch through an alien-infested tunnel to escape. The face-humpers
are pretty laughable, and the actual alien puppets are often a little
easy to see coming. While quite intimidating, they aren’t quite on the
level of sheer badassery showcased by their predecessors in last year’s American Werewolf. They are, however, very effective
distractions for the 6’5” predators that lie in wait nearby. The Preds
are really what make or break the house, because if you don’t see them
coming you’re probably in for one of your bigger scares of the evening.
If only for that reason, this one cannot afford to be skipped.
Story: B+ Atmosfear: B- Set Design: A- Intensity: A
Dracula Untold: Reign of Blood
For years, someone in corporate has been just addicted to
the idea that promoting a new, sub-par horror movie with a haunted house
is a great way to get asses in the theater. I’d love to see some
statistics on how effective that is, but I digress. Roughly 95% of
guests have not seen this movie, and consequently, I can’t imagine it’s
high on anyone’s must-do list. Still, Dracula was a pleasant
surprise. In the midst of a down year in terms of set quality, Dracula
really shines, providing the year’s most beautiful sets along the way.
Two scenes that really shine with authenticity to me are the trip to the
top of the wall in Dracula’s castle and the journey through the
smoldering countryside, littered with invading Turks. Though the house
doesn’t provide a lot of tricks and misdirection to disguise the actors,
the cast seems active enough to keep Dracula at least
respectable in the scares department. It’s a middle-of-the-road house
this year, with the upside of usually being the soundstage house with
the least intimidating line.
Story: C Atmosfear: A+ Set Design: C+ Intensity: C
Giggles & Gore, Inc.
Giggles & Gore had a concept I was into from the start. A
manufacturing facility where the kidnapped are being stuffed into the
husks of clowns, having their voice boxes replaced so they can only
cackle? Let’s be honest: that’s genuinely horrifying, not to mention
pretty original – two things Universal hasn’t had exactly had in spades
over the last few years. The house gets off to a great start too – I
loved the guy in the first room, with his eyes pinned open (a la Clockwork Orange) being forced to watch Woody Woodpecker on loop. Unfortunately, despite its promise and a strong start, I consider G&G
to be one of the weaker houses this year due to its want of focus and
lackluster finish. The house steadily loses its “manufacturing” aspect
after its midway point and looks more and more like a generic clown
house by its conclusion. The sets, likewise, become less interesting,
and eventually by the end seem to be just empty hallways with boo-holes
sitting in plain sight. It’s by no means a truly bad house, but this is
a year with a pretty high floor, and G&G is right near it.
Story: B- Atmosfear: C Set Design: C- Intensity: C+
Halloween *Co-House of the Year*
If creepy and detailed atmosphere is your thing, just keep walking – Halloween
doesn’t give much of a damn about these subtle nuances. This house
only knows how to attack repeatedly, and without mercy. The sets here
are among the event’s most basic and uninspiring. Granted, the movie
takes place in a house, so it’s not exactly providing a lot of rich
visual scenes to draw from, but even so, it really feels like HHN forgot
to fill in a hell of a lot of blanks. Now, while I said these sets
were simple, I did not say they were ineffective. In fact, Halloween
puts on a clinic of effective set design, overwhelming guests with
misdirection, ambient noise, and clever hiding locations for the cast. A
great example of this is the winding hallway of hanging linens, where
every individual closet door rattles as if an actor stands right behind
it. Only about two or three hold an actual Michael Myers. The cast is
bar-none the best at Horror Nights this year. None of their appearances
are half-assed – if they’re there, they’re coming full throttle, with a
booming sound-effect to maximize the effect. It’s one of, if not the,
house to see this year. Can’t miss.
Story: B- Atmosfear: C Set Design: A+ Intensity: A+
Dollhouse of the Damned *Co-House of the Year*
If you’re the type of person who likes houses to be on the creepier side, Dollhouse
is for you. The collection of dolls, dummies, and mortifying
over-sized babies leaves the house with a truly twisted feel untapped by
Horror Nights since a personal favorite of mine – Scary Tales III
– stole the show in 2008. Even the audio in here is creepy – how about
the dissection room, where you can hear a little kid asking if you
“want to play doctor”? The attention to detail in here is fantastic – Dollhouse
is stuffed to the brim with creepy artifacts, strobes, mirrors, and
actor look-alikes, creating a cramped layout that makes it almost
impossible to feel comfortable in your own space. The actors are full of
energy and are more than capable of delivering jump scares; however, I
will say that the “child” theme of the house led Universal to cast
smaller actors in a lot of roles here, which means the characters aren’t
nearly as intimidating as their counterparts in AVP or Halloween.
I’m also a pretty dubious of Universal’s original story that this house
is supposed to be a decaying morgue taken over by a twisted little
girl, as there seems to be no evidence to support this anywhere. Still,
it’s hard to find anything here to complain about too much. Do not
leave without seeing.
Story: B Atmosfear: A+ Set Design: A Intensity: A
Roanoke: Cannibal Colony
Roanoke leaves me with a lot of mixed emotions. The concept of
taking the lost colony of Roanoke and re-writing history to provide a
reason for the disappearance of the colonists – starvation and eventual
cannibalism – was certainly original and makes this one of the more
interesting houses of the year to walk through. In practice, however,
there are a few drawbacks. It’s not always easy to take the colonists
seriously, especially when the house gives them awkward lines like
“Beware the wendigo spirits!” The house lacks any tangible intensity,
and goes down much better if you’re looking for a “fun” house that isn’t
necessarily scary. My mixed feelings extend to the look of the house
as well: the sets are quite good and give the house a very authentic
feel, but they lack variety, and it’s often hard to distinguish any one
scene from another in hindsight. Actually, the first time I went through
here the only thing I could remember was bent wood and animal pelts.
The house doesn’t exactly work wonders at keeping the actors in your
space. But it does have a few creative hiding spots for them, including
under a pile of severed legs and arms conspicuously sitting by a
doorway. Roanoke’s conclusion – complete with a two-story set
and 12-foot, stilt walking Wendigos – is one of the year’s more
effective finales. In sum, it’s a very enjoyable mid-tier house if you
go in with the right expectations.
Story: B Atmosfear: B- Set Design: B- Intensity: C
IN SUMMARY….
Halloween
Horror Nights 24 does a lot of things well. The return of scarezones is
a return to form for an event that has struggled with a repetitive and
lackluster street experiences the last two years. The quality of the
houses is very evenly distributed this year, pretty much ensuring you
won’t catch anything truly disappointing. However, the “wow” factor is a
little hard to come by this year – I find a lot of the houses to be
very good, but there’s not one I can point to that really knocked me
flat. The overall quality of the sets seems like it took a step
backwards this year too, with the exception of Dollhouse and Dracula.
I will say that I found myself more on edge in most of the houses than I
usually do – and a lot of that has to do with the fact sprawling, wide
sets have been abandoned this year.
I had more fun at this
year’s HHN than I’ve had in years. As always, it has my
recommendation. Still, from an objective point of view, I wouldn’t list
it as one of the best in the last ten years. It’s a solid year all
around, but considering the lack of truly memorable houses or zones (or
even a tagline), this might be a year we struggle to remember more than
most.
Overall Grade: B-
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